I wanted to share some of our thoughts throughout the years during the month of April from previous Facebook posts that I have written. I think it is important to share thoughts along this journey, and I hope you enjoy reading them and growing along with us as we also grow and adjust each year.
April 1, 2019
It is Autism Awareness Month. Being a parent to an autistic child is... beautiful. But it is also hard. Very hard. There are so many things that change for our family. There are so many things I wish would change for our family.
It’s not easy helping Leah all the time. It is hard work. It’s emotionally hard watching your child struggle. It’s mentally hard planning around countless therapies, it’s physically exhausting. Every single day. But it is also the most rewarding thing God has ever done with my life.
Chris and I have dreams for Leah. When she was diagnosed, we were almost relieved because now we can help her and move forward. But then when the shock settles, the thoughts come into your head that most parents don’t think about. Will my child be mainstream in school? Will my child be able to make friends? Will my child be able to play sports with other kids? Will my child graduate? Will my child fall in love? Will my child get married? Will my child ever have kids? Will my child live independently? Who will care for my child when I’m gone? And sometimes it’s not “will she” but “can she”. Of course, we think about these things and talk about these things. It is HARD. These are things special needs parents think of. This is real life for us. But we try so hard not to dwell on them. Take this beautiful life that God has given us and embrace every moment. Cherish all the good times and work through the hard ones.
We will continue to pour everything we have into helping Leah become the best little lady she can. To do everything she is able to. To have everything she wants in life. And so much more. We are so blessed beyond belief to have our very special little girl teach us more in life than we can ever try to teach her. She is a light in our world and she is just beautiful inside and out. We love our sweet little girl!
So as I said in the beginning... there are things I wish would change for our family. What could that be? Well, I wish we could go to the playground and people around us would be more inclusive with Leah. Sure, she plays differently but the differences you see, we are proud of.
I wish I could go grocery shopping and when she is laying in the middle of the aisle melting down, you helped me instead of judging me. Or her. She is upset because this is the third store she has been to and that is a lot of transitions to go through, the bright lights, the loud music, the loud carts passing around her, the constant beeping from the checkout lanes.
I wish some of our family and friends would visit us more. Come see my child more. You don’t know what it’s like until you try. Give us a break once in a while. A chance to recharge to be a better parent for her. I wish she could go to school and make great friends.
I wish we could go out to eat more and the people around us wouldn’t sit and stare at us for using a screen to keep her calm. There is a lot going on around her that they don’t even notice. Forks dinging, straws being shipped, bright lights, loud people. It helps her to tune those things out and not get overwhelmed as quickly so we can actually make it through dinner. I could go on. But most importantly, I just wish that this world was more inclusive for her. For all of our kids.
Please spread awareness for autism. Please be more inclusive.
April 1, 2021
There are a few things I have learned since then I would like to point out.
Yes, my daughter still does teach me more than we teach her.
A little bit of grace makes the day go by a lot easier.
My daughter is able to be in a mainstream classroom and she is doing amazing! She rocks at hockey! Soccer is not her sport. Do not attempt.
She has more love to give than anyone could imagine. She is more loved than words can describe. This we always knew.
We will continue to fight for her! Early intervention is key and I contribute all of her successes to all the help we have received and worked hard for.
We have a team! A team of family, coaches, friends, teachers, neighbors. They are here for us. We have an amazing group of people that help us! That help her. They are here to support us. They are here to celebrate with us. We cherish this team. We are so blessed!
April 1, 2022
In short, what I have learned this past year is simple. My daughter is brilliant. Brilliant and bright. Very well-loved. Help spread awareness. Please practice inclusion. Please practice grace.
April 1, 2024
Honestly, I'm having a hard time finding a place to start. This journey is incredibly beautiful, and we're learning so much. Not only about Leah but about ourselves too. What a blessing.
This year, I've learned how to listen to her, how to recognize her needs more. Listening doesn't just involve hearing what she has to say but understanding her non-verbal cues as well. The hardest one is when she's hurt. She'll hide it and not tell us. She's so scared of the hurt, like when she got hit by a hockey puck on her leg, that she won't show us her giant bruise or let us know she needs ice. This can obviously be scary for many different reasons.
Anyways, listening. I've learned to listen more this year. I've also learned to follow. She has a passion and she has a drive. I guess I'm just along for the ride. She has brought us into uncharted territory, and we are just figuring it out with her. Leah is a great guide. Full of stories and ideas. Full of wonder and creativeness. She is full of adventure.
The world can be cruel, and she is going to have to face that. She truly does not understand why people would ever be mean; she just wants kindness everywhere she goes. As she turns ten this year, it brings a whole new dynamic with friends and acquaintances. She will have us by her side the whole way.
We are trying soccer, again. Wish us luck. Wish everyone luck.
We look forward to following her on this wild adventure.
Reflecting Back:
I've also noticed, as I make this blog post, that each year in the past, there seems to be a little less written as I look back and reflect. Initially, my first thought was that I was getting busier and busier each year, with less and less time. But now, I think it's truly because I've become more comfortable, giving myself more grace in the unknown, and not being so scared of the future. Whatever that brings, I know it will be beautiful and full of adventure.
