Before Leah was diagnosed as autistic, navigating her behaviors and emotions was sometimes confusing and concerning. I vividly remember instances where Leah's reactions left me worried, especially in situations where her actions inadvertently caused harm to others. Like many parents, I struggled with trying to comprehend her responses, particularly when she would bite another child during an argument, steal a toy, or cause destruction during play. It wasn't just the acts themselves that troubled me, but her apparent inability to pause and seek help before reacting impulsively.
One incident that stands out is when Leah took her brother's ball without a second thought, despite my many attempts to explain the situation to her. Her response, "My ball is blue," and "he has a red ball," left me realizing that she wasn't just disregarding her brother's feelings; she seemed disconnected from the emotional impact of her actions. These moments of apparent indifference to others' emotions were deeply concerning and left me questioning if Leah understood empathy at all.
The journey to Leah's autism diagnosis was a pivotal moment for our family. Suddenly, it all started coming together, offering clarity to her behaviors that previously seemed inexplicable. We learned that Leah's seemingly callous reactions stemmed from her struggles with expressing and understanding emotions—a hallmark trait for many individuals on the autism spectrum.
Contrary to misconceptions, autism doesn't equate to a lack of caring. Instead, it often manifests as an overwhelming flood of emotions that individuals like Leah find challenging to navigate and express outwardly. Through therapy and patience, we've been working tirelessly to help Leah comprehend the intricacies of human emotions and appropriate responses to them.
However, progress isn't always linear, and there are still hurdles along the way. Leah's difficulty in articulating her own feelings is a constant reminder of the complexities of autism. The phrase "I don't know" echoes frequently when we try to delve into her emotional state—a reminder of the barriers she faces in understanding and expressing her inner world. She tests high in receptive language skills and low in expressive language skills.
One recent example was after a hockey game where Leah's team faced a loss. While her teammates were visibly distraught, Leah's response was markedly different. When asked about her feelings, she simply replied, "Everyone was sad." It was a stark reminder that Leah sees the world through a different lens, where the entirety of the experience outweighs the disappointment of the outcome. She looked at the experience as a whole which was an hour and a half on the ice with her friends who got some great goals and had a lot of fun through hard work. The overall loss was hard but the game as a whole was fun. She understood that others were sad and she was bummed they loss but she was looking at the whole game not just the end result.
Despite these challenges, Leah's resilience shines through. Her ability to see the bigger picture in situations is both enlightening and inspiring. She finds joy in the simplest of moments, celebrates achievements with unwavering pride, and extends kindness to others, albeit in her own unique way.
As a parent, my wish is for others to understand Leah's perspective—to recognize that behind her seemingly aloof demeanor lies a heart brimming with empathy and compassion. She feels deeply, even if she struggles to express it conventionally. I urge others to be gentle and patient, to extend the same grace they would to any child navigating the complexities of emotions.
Leah may face challenges, but she is no less deserving of understanding and acceptance. Please embrace Leah and others with open hearts and minds, for within their world lies an array of emotions waiting to be understood and embraced.
